


A Not So Cruel Confession

by searider_Falcon



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Endgame Fixer, F/M, No C/7 - ew, The title sucks but I couldn't think of anything else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-02 00:28:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15785226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/searider_Falcon/pseuds/searider_Falcon
Summary: Because a commenter asked for it...this is a prequel/continuation of my other work A Cruel Lesson. You don't need to read that one first in order to understand this story. They happened essentially at the same time but it would probably give you a few feels if you had read it first.The J/C Perspective of "A Cruel Lesson" - Chakotay and Janeway talk during the welcome home celebration. An Endgame fixer.





	A Not So Cruel Confession

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcome...keep them happy, for this is a happy place. One to escape the stresses and disappointments of real life.

Kathryn Janeway avoided Chakotay and Seven of Nine at the Welcome Home Celebration party Starfleet hosted. She didn’t want to see the two of them together, with Chakotay’s arm around her waist. It made her sick with jealousy and Kathryn hated herself for it. It’s your own fault, thought Kathryn, you pushed him away...demanded there be parameters between you. But I was the captain, another voice in her head said, I had to maintain distance. It was only...what? Professional? Command School, Starfleet Academy, her own past experiences didn’t prepare her for on how to deal with falling in love with a man, who wanted to be with her...if only she wasn’t so stubborn, then only to find that that man moved on with someone half her age. It stung. It felt as if it was a slap in the face. It spoiled her return home, no matter how much she tried not to let it, no matter how much she denied it. 

Kathryn tried the best she could to put on a smile for all the holoimagers that flashed around the ballroom. She hugged every family member and crew member who thanked her for bringing them home but she still felt an overwhelming sadness. None of this was turning out the way she expected all those years ago. At the beginning of their journey, Kathryn was convinced that she would return to Mark, start the family she had always planned, and follow the path of other typical Starfleet Captains, but none of that happened. Her thoughts changed to what ifs. What if Voyager returned home? Then would she and Chakotay...No, she wouldn’t allow herself to think about that anymore. It wasn’t going to happen now. 

Kathryn stepped away from a cluster of crew members from engineering after they cornered her for a photo and a toast with champagne. She took in a deep breath, trying to center herself, as she clutched her champagne flute. It was hard to be the hero captain of Voyager, the mother figure, the captain who was supposed to be thrilled to be home. Kathryn wanted to be all those things. She really did but as she glimpsed Chakotay smiling by Seven’s side, she felt her happiness slipping away. It made her angry. Why would or should her happiness be tied to him? She didn’t want to admit it while she was in the Delta quadrant, but she was in love with Chakotay. Had been for years. He was her best friend, her confidant, her first officer - something she couldn’t define definitively but knew that first officer was what Chakotay was. All the things he was to her was wrapped up in the term, first officer. 

She watched Chakotay talk with Mike Ayala and his family. He smiled and laughed and as he did so, he turned his head, looking across the the room and spotting Kathryn. Kathryn didn’t realize she had been staring. Chakotay’s smile faded as he looked at her. Kathryn tried to smile, she really did, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. They stared at each other and it seemed as if all the unspoken things were brought to the surface and laid bare in front of them. An ugly truth that neither of them had addressed. His expression was one of uncertainty. Kathryn forced herself to look away. 

Stop torturing yourself, Kathryn thought and she moved away and into the crowd. Anything to get away from Chakotay’s gaze. She weaved between people, smiling and waving to those who called to her. She found the bar, set her champagne glass down and ordered a stronger drink. 

“It must be nice being home,” said a friendly bartender. 

“Of course,” said Kathryn, intent of just acknowledging the bartender’s comment, instead of engaging in a lengthy conversation. 

Luckily, the bartender picked up on Kathryn’s not so cheery manner and delivered her drink with a sympathetic smile before moving on to someone else. That someone else ordered their drink and the voice who asked for a scotch was Chakotay’s. Kathryn froze. Had he followed her to the bar? Chakotay received his drink and to Kathryn’s conflicting discomfort, moved closer to her. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she stopped herself. Her heart raced in delight at his proximity. 

“Enjoying the party?” he asked in a quiet voice. 

His gaze was warm but guarded. It was a familiar look, one that Kathryn knew well in recent years. He held his drink but didn’t sip it. Kathryn watched as Chakotay spun the liquid in its short glass. Not wanting to seem too transfixed by his every movement, Kathryn turned and faced the dance floor. She leaned against the bar and willed her heart rate to return to a more normal pace. 

“It’s fine...a little overwhelming,” Kathryn admitted. 

Chakotay rested his elbows on the bar and leaned forward, with his back to the dancefloor. He studied Kathryn for a moment, casting her sideways glances. 

“You aren’t happy to be home?” said Chakotay. 

“Of course, I am,” said Kathryn, avoiding Chakotay’s eyes and looking for a way to escape the conversation. 

“You don’t seem to be,” said Chakotay. 

Kathryn turned back around, she took a long swallow of her drink and stared at the bar. It was a clean, stainless steel that reminded her of Voyager’s sleek design. She missed Voyager and with a sharp pang she missed what she had on Voyager, her close friendship with Chakotay most of all, and the promise of more. All the ‘what ifs’ circled around her brain and with a great sadness, Kathryn admitted that she was indeed disappointed. 

“It’s not what I thought it would be,” said Kathryn. 

She downed the rest of her drink. It burned down her throat and she grimaced a little. Kathryn set the glass down and pushed it aside. Chakotay cast her a long look before taking a drink from his own glass. He frowned as he swallowed, his brow furrowed and looked as if he was contemplating what to say. 

“How so?” he asked cautiously, as if afraid of the answer. 

Kathryn opened her mouth to answer, ready to state that her life wasn’t what she wanted it to be, ready to tell him everything that she kept locked away in her heart, when a loud shriek of laughter interrupted her, and the moment passed. The Delany sisters giggled their way to the bar, bumping into Chakotay as they arrived. 

“Oh, sorry, Commander,” said Jenny. 

Chakotay smiled, “Having fun?” 

“You bet!” said Jenny, “Sir,” she added quickly. Jenny leaned over the bar and pulled a bottle of a glowing green drink away from the bartender before particularly skipping back to the dance floor with her sister. 

Chakotay turned back to Kathryn. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear. 

“Do you want to continue this conversation somewhere more quiet?” he asked. 

Kathryn was ready to say no. She was ready to just end the conversation now but his gaze was so sincere, her heart wouldn’t let her. She craved Chakotay’s conversation, his voice, his very presence so badly that she simply nodded. Chakotay immediately set down his drink and held out his arm intending to let Kathryn lead the way toward the ballroom doors. Kathryn looked up at him, his dark eyes seemed to challenge her and plead with her at the same time. Could he want what she did? Kathryn refused to let her hopes to rise but her attempt was in vein. Her heart pounded in her chest. It felt so strong Kathryn was sure Chakotay could visibly see how much she wanted to speak with him. 

Kathryn lead the way toward the doors. They approached Tuvok where he stood with his son and Mike Ayala’s family. 

“Are you sure you want to hear about it?” Kathryn asked, shooting Chakotay a sideways glance. 

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t,” said Chakotay grimly, as if annoyed Kathryn was being difficult. 

Kathryn made brief eye contact with Tuvok who looked between her and Chakotay and simply raised an eyebrow. Kathryn was thankful for her deep and long-lasting friendship with the Vulcan, who understood that she and Chakotay needed to pass his group without stopping to chat. Mike Ayala watched them walk by and Kathryn could distinctively see him smile slightly at his commanding officers’s determination to leave the ballroom unhindered. He stopped his teenage sons from calling out to Kathryn and she was grateful. Her heart didn’t have room for anything else at the moment, the anticipation of what she wanted to say to Chakotay was building and felt as if it would burst at any second. 

As they left the ballroom and walked down the corridor, the noises of the party started to fade. As it did, Kathryn’s heartbeat filled her ears. She found a vacant conference room and slipped inside. It was dark except for the light from Earth’s moon which spilled in from the floor to ceiling windows that lined a wall. Kathryn beelined for the conference table, and used it as a way to brace herself when she turned to face Chakotay. She didn’t a small semblance of support for this. He followed her into the room with his guarded gaze and waited for her to speak. When she didn’t, he prompted her and his voice seemed as if he was desperate to hear what she wanted to say. 

“What about being home isn’t living up to your expectations?” asked Chakotay. 

Kathryn stared into his dark eyes and every dinner, every laugh and conversation they shared seemed to burst to the forefront of her mind. Her heart pounded in her chest. A brief moment of doubt flashed over her before she lifted her chin and said what had been on her mind ever since she saw Earth on the viewscreen weeks ago. 

“My life,” said Kathryn. 

Chakotay brow furrowed in confusion. 

“I was so focussed on getting this crew home that I let things in my life fall to the wayside. I sacrificed too much,” said Kathryn. 

“We all made sacrifices out there,” said Chakotay. 

“Not like this,” said Kathryn. 

“How so?” said Chakotay. 

Kathryn looked to the floor. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes and she made an effort not to let them. Chakotay waited for her to respond. She knew she should but the threat that a sob would break free prevented her. It was now or never. If she didn’t tell him, if she didn’t at least try and admit it out loud, at least once, she would never be able to live with herself. The wondering, the heartache...it would be too great to overcome and Kathryn feared that that extreme heartbreak would lead her to become Admiral Janeway. Kathryn feared that older version of herself and desperately did not want to become her. 

“What did you sacrifice, Kathryn?” said Chakotay. He took a step toward her and she looked up. 

“You,” said Kathryn. She looked directly into his eyes. Chakotay froze. He stared at her, his mouth falling open in disbelief. 

“Me?” he asked, quietly as if in disbelief. 

“I always thought that you and I...that we would explore what we meant to each other once we returned home but my older self already told me that I was too late. I hate myself for ruining something that could have been and now that we’re home, I feel as if I don’t say it, I’ll burst,” said Kathryn. 

Chakotay stood stock still, staring at her.. The moonlight silhouetted him, providing almost a halo or aura around him. She took a deep breath and continued. 

“I fell in love with you out there. Even when I was engaged to Mark, there was something about you that intrigued me. Something that drew me to you and pulled by heart away from Mark. Slowly and over our seven years together, I fell completely and desperately in love with you. My first officer. And it kills me to be home and not have you by my side,” said Kathryn. 

She let out a sigh, her shoulders falling in relief. She said it, finally, to his face. Chakotay did not respond, he turned his back on her, facing the window. Kathryn could see his shoulders rising and falling in time with his breath. She wondered if his heart was beating as fast as hers had been throughout the evening. His breathing seemed to increase as if he was starting to panic or as if he was building up the intensity to explode at her. He ran his fingers through his hair then spun back around to face her. 

“You can’t…” said Chakotay. His voice cracking. He swallowed before attempting to speak again, “You can’t just say that. After all this time.” 

“I’m saying it now,” said Kathryn in a low voice. 

She looked to the floor.

“The timing…” hissed Chakotay. 

“Is terrible, I know…” Kathryn replied. 

She looked expectantly at Chakotay, waiting for his response. A sudden surge of doubt course through her. He was going to let her down, reject her as she had done. Her only wish was, when he did, he’d do it gently. They stared at each other. Then, Chakotay crossed the room in a few quick strides, stepping up to Kathryn as if he made up his mind about something. He reached out and grabbed her face. Chakotay pulled her to him, kissing her with such a strong and powerful need, Kathryn felt her belly coil with a fiery force that surprised her at its intensity. She reached up and gripped the back of Chakotay’s head with her hand, her fingers weaving through his hair, needing to be closer to him. 

Desperately.

With her free hand, she clutched at Chakotay’s uniform jacket, pulling him to her. Chakotay pressed his body to hers as he kissed her. Kathryn thought her heart would beat out of her chest from the intense cascade of emotions she felt. Excitement, desire, a lustful need so powerful, she couldn't imagine ever feeling that way before in her entire life. She kissed him back, as she so desperately wanted to do for so long. Chakotay’s hands moved from her face and into her hair. His hands brushed her scalp as he curled and weaved her hair around his fingers. He tilted her head back as he kissed her. Kathryn felt heat rush to her cheeks as she was sure she was blushing, not from embarrassment but from the intensity of her arousal. They broke apart briefly, sucking in a large breath before Chakotay kissed her again. His kisses were frantic and full of urgency. Kathryn moaned. It felt so good. It felt so right. Chakotay’s strong hands caused every nerve ending to spark and jump with each touch. Chakotay stepped closer to Kathryn, closer than he had ever been before in their life together and yet he was not close enough. He placed his hands on her waist and lifted Kathryn up to set her on the conference room table. Kathryn’s body tingled with approval. 

His hands shifted to Kathryn’s thighs and he spread them apart wide enough so he could stand between them. With another powerful kiss, Chakotay pressed his body against Kathryn’s. She moaned at the contact and the way his hips felt as he molded them to hers. She could feel his arousal as he pressed his hips to hers. She whimpered at the contact. His hands slid down her thighs and wrapped her legs around his waist. He groaned as he slowly felt his way back up her thighs, up her hips, the sides of her ribcage, and up to her breasts. Kathryn moaned and captured his lips, tugging at his lower lips lightly with her teeth. 

Chakotay pressed his hips to Kathryn’s grinding them against her as he broke their kiss. Very briefly their gazes locked and Chakotay’s eyes sparked with lust and Kathryn was sure hers were doing the same. Chakotay moved to Kathryn’s neck, kissing her from her collarbone up to her pulsepoint. His hot mouth paused there as his hands gripped her hair, tilting her head back to gain better access. Kathryn clutched at his shoulders. She moaned, her eyes slipping shut. God, it felt good but this was much too slow for Kathryn’s liking. They spent the good part of seven years pushing their attraction aside. She didn’t want to wait any longer. Kathryn’s eyes opened and she dropped her gaze to Chakotay’s pants. She could see where his erection was straining against the fabric. Her hands flew to the fastening of his uniform pants and undid it. She lowered the zippered and Chakotay’s mouth slammed over hers again, his tongue plunging into her mouth.

Kathryn wanted to move this party to the main event. Damn any consequences. She slowly and deliberately slipped her hand into Chakotay’s pants, her gaze locked onto his face. Chakotay groaned as she stroked his erection. It was a low growl from the back of his throat before his mouth hung open as his senses were zeroed in on Kathryn’s ministrations. His hips thrusted against her hand as if moving on their own accord. His face was one of unfiltered lust and overwhelming pleasure. Kathryn revelled in the feeling of making Chakotay react that way. The sounds he made shot through her entire body making her pulse with desire. His eyes seemed to be even darker than normal, as his passion seeped into his features. His brain seemed to catch up with the situation and Chakotay frantically pushed the fabric of Kathryn’s dress up, exposing more of her thighs. The cool air washed over her overheated skin, causing a pleasurable contrast. 

Kathryn stared into Chakotay’s eyes as he hooked his fingers under the fabric of her panties and slid them down her legs. He tossed them to the floor and ran his hands along her thighs without breaking eye contact. His eyes challenged her - would she stop him? Kathryn knew there was no way in hell that she would. He hitched her legs higher up around his waist and pressed himself closer. Kathryn’s head tilted back at the contact, her mouth falling open. She wanted to scream in ecstasy and victory! Finally, their bodies joined together in an intense coupling seven years in the making. Chakotay dropped his head to her shoulder and he groaned loudly. For a brief second, Kathryn was concerned that someone might hear them but then Chakotay moved and she didn’t care if anyone did. He pulled back and thrust his hips forward. He grunted as he filled her. Kathryn clung to his shoulders for support, her fingernails dug into the skin at the back of Chakotay’s neck. She was sure there would be marks left over. Chakotay began a steady rhythm

“Oh God,” Kathryn gasped. She brought her head up to rest against Chakotay’s. Her eyes closed tightly, needing only to feel the man before her. 

“Kathryn,” Chakotay rasped. 

Chakotay started to move his hips faster and more forcefully. It felt good. It had been so long, she had almost forgotten the feeling. Chakotay grunted as his hips made contact with hers. Kathryn wasn’t exactly quiet herself, she was moaning her approval as Chakotay’s thrusts became stronger. Their bodies moving together with the strength of each thrust. Kathryn clutched Chakotay's head.

“Don’t stop,” she gasped, her voice sounding higher than what she was used to but she didn’t care. 

All that mattered now was that Chakotay did not stop. Chakotay seemed to appreciate her encouragement for her groaned loudly once again and did as she ordered. 

“I’m…” Chakotay attempted to speak but at that moment, white hot sparks exploded behind Kathryn’s eyes and she clenched around him. Chakotay groaned and came, shouting her name in a voice mixed with pleasure and pain. 

They clung to each other as the waves of their orgasms rolled over them. Chakotay’s hips moving more slowly. Kathryn clutched him to her. Their chests rising and falling against each other’s in unison. Chakotay braced himself against the table with one hand, while his other hand caressed Kathryn’s hip. He slipped out of her and they both sighed in disatisfaction at the feeling. She mourned the loss of him not being inside her. 

“Oh God,” Kathryn sighed in contentment. 

However Chakotay didn’t seem to get the message. He lifted his head from her shoulder sadly. Perhaps he felt she regretted what just happened. He kept his eyes downcast until Kathryn brought his face up to hers. She put her hands on his cheeks.

“That was amazing,” she said, smiling a full fledge smile. One that she knew she hadn’t smiled in months, “I knew we’d be good together. That’s why I integrated the crews.” 

Chakotay smiled back satisfied. 

“You imagined this from day one?” teased Chakotay. 

Kathryn shot him a smug grin, “Maybe day three,” she said with a flirty expression. She couldn’t help but bat her eyelashes like a cheesy romance holonovel character but it had the desired effect. 

Chakotay’s chest seemed to swell with affection and he flashed a dimpled smile at her. 

“Glad to know I wasn’t the only one,” said Chakotay. 

Kathryn laughed. She hugged Chakotay to her, burying her face in the crook of his neck. 

“I love you,” she whispered. 

Chakotay seemed to melt against her body, as if all the tension he felt was suddenly released. 

“I love you too,” he said and after a moment, he said, “What do we do now?” 

“We clean up and get back to the party,” said Kathryn, suddenly feeling a need to celebrate. 

She pushed Chakotay a little to urge him into action. He complied with her request and tucked himself back into his pants. Kathryn slipped off the conference table and bent to retrieve her panties from the floor. She could feel Chakotay’s eyes on her and she slipped the silky fabric over her hips and quickly smoothed her dress down. Kathryn looked them over, nothing seemed out of place, except perhaps her hair. She ran her fingers through it, trying to tame it into something presentable. 

“That’s not what I mean,” said Chakotay, as he brushed his own hair back away from his forehead, where it has stuck with sweat. 

Kathryn looked at him. She stepped up to him and put her hands on her chest.

“I’d like it to mean that you move in with me. We go visit my mother in Indiana, then to your home, and from there, it doesn’t matter...as long as we go together.” 

Chakotay’s eyes sparkled with affection and delight. 

“I’d like that too,” said Chakotay. 

“Then it’s settled,” said Kathryn and feeling like her usual self for the first time in months, she shot him a smug grin, “Let’s go celebrate.” 

Chakotay smiled and he followed her out of the conference room. They walked down the corridor together, side by side. It felt normal. As normal as if they were walking the corridors of Voyager together. Chakotay stood a little too close for normal professionalism before not close enough for Kathryn’s heart to be satisfied. Later, she reminded herself, just wait until you get him back to your bedroom. The noises of the party grew as they approached. As they entered the ballroom, the sound of Voyager’s crew laughter and genuinely jubilant mood filled Kathryn’s ears and she found there was no better sound in the universe at that moment. As they crossed the threshold, she smiled up at Chakotay. The real smile that hurt her face for lack of practice in recent months. Her grinned back. Kathryn spotted Tuvok and walked over to him. He was still speaking with Mike Ayala’s family. Chakotay’s hand rested on her lower back. Kathryn stiffened slightly in surprise as she felt his fingers brush the curve of her ass. Kathryn knew someone in the ballroom could see but she didn’t care. She was done hiding her feelings for the man beside her. 

“Enjoying the party, old friend?” Kathryn said with a smile, knowing full well Tuvok did not enjoy the numerous parties on Voyager and only attended those reluctantly. 

“I must admit,” said Tuvok, in a tired voice, “I do find the festivities this evening to be substantially adequate.” 

Kathryn smiled and patted Tuvok’s arm. 

“Coming from you, Tuvok, that’s like saying you’re thrilled,” grinned Chakotay. 

Tuvok merely raised an eyebrow as Kathryn, and Mike laughed. Chakotay turned his attention to Kathryn and she shot him a satisfied smirk. 

“Care to dance?” he asked, tilting his head toward the dance floor. 

“Lead the way,” said Kathryn and with a quick goodbye to Tuvok and Mike, she and Chakotay entered the dance floor.

Voyager crew members smiled as they stepped onto the floor. Chakotay gently wrapped his arm around Kathryn’s waist and pulled her close. Kathryn placed a hand to Chakotay’s chest and smiled up at him. She could feel his heartbeat as they began to sway to the music. With a sigh, Kathryn rested her head against Chakotay’s. Her temple reaching his chin. He pressed her closer and Kathryn molded her body to his. 

“When do I get a chance to see you out of that dress?” he whispered into Kathryn’s ear. 

His words sent a shiver of delight down Kathryn’s spine but she merely smiled and playfully squatted Chakotay’s arm. Chakotay flashed a broad smile delighting in Kathryn’s mock indignation.  
“Patience,” she responded.  
Kathryn closed her eyes, relaxing into Chakotay’s hold as he pressed his hand gently to her waist, keeping her close to him. They may have been swaying much too slowly than what would be deemed appropriate for the tempo of the music playing, but Kathryn didn’t seemed to care and neither did Chakotay. They danced until the song changed and Kathryn felt a sudden need for a quiet spot and intimate conversation. She looked up at Chakotay who simply met her eyes. 

“Come on,” Kathryn said quietly, letting go of Chakotay. They turned from the dance floor.

As she headed for a group of tables in the corner, Kathryn reached back, searching for Chakotay’s hand. Her fingers brushed his in mere seconds and he clasped her fingers with his as she led the way. She picked a table farthest away from the dancefloor. The corner of the room was dark. A perfect spot. She pulled out a chair and sat. Chakotay moved to sit next to her. He pulled his chair closer to hers and Kathryn placed a hand on his thigh. 

“As excited as I am for a future together, I have to ask...what about Seven?” 

Chakotay looked down at his lap, and clasped her hand where it rested on his thigh. 

“I’ll talk to her and help her understand it’s over,” said Chakotay. 

Kathryn let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. 

“You weren’t concerned were you?” asked Chakotay. 

“Maybe a little. Seven is a gorgeous woman,” said Kathryn. 

“So are you,” said Chakotay, “A woman who has haunted my dreams for far longer than I should admit.” 

Kathryn had no response, she simply smiled and placed a hand to Chakotay’s cheek. 

“So, if we visit your mother, will I be staying with you in your old bedroom?” he asked cheekily. 

“Yes...why?”

“Oh, I’m just curious to see what teenage Kathryn Janeway was like?”

“Not much different than me now...although a little more impulsive,” said Kathryn. 

“Like walking home in a storm because you lost a tennis match,” teased Chakotay. 

“Exactly like that,” said Kathryn. 

They laughed and gazed out to the dance floor.

“They all seem so happy,” said Kathryn, “This is real, isn’t it? It’s not some trick or alien influence?” 

“Not this time,” said Chakotay reassuringly, “Which calls for champagne. I’ll be back.” 

He stood from the table and went to the bar. He was gone just long enough to return return with two glasses of bubbling champagne. He offered her one and Kathryn took it. Chakotay moved his chair even closer to hers and sat, his leg pressed against hers. Kathryn turned and reached up to cup the side of his head. She pulled Chakotay’s head to her and kissed him briefly before she pulled back. She smiled again. She couldn’t stop smiling. 

“To being home,” said Chakotay, raising his glass. 

“Home,” said Kathryn and they toasted. Their glasses clinked together. 

As she sipped her drink, Kathryn’s eyes locked on Chakotay’s. In that moment, Kathryn wanted nothing more than to pull him away from the ballroom, away from the party and the watchful gaze of the crew and strip Chakotay out of his uniform. The urge was so strong, Kathryn’s hand crept up Chakotay’s thigh as if on its own accord. He shot her an aroused warning look. 

“Be patient, remember?” he said with a smirk. 

“Or, we can leave now,” said Kathryn. 

She stood and Chakotay immediately followed. She clutched her champagne glass, intent on bringing part of the party to her quieter spot. Kathryn’s smile seem to be plastered onto her face. The anticipation that she would soon be in a much more appropriate venue for what she wanted to do with Chakotay, was building and becoming unbearable. They walked away from the table before Chakotay stopped her. 

“I need to find Seven. Tell her it’s over,” asid Chakotay, leaning down to whisper in Kathryn’s ear. 

Kathryn’s smile faded. The last thing she wanted was to hurt Seven. She cared about the young women’s well being and growth and to hurt her for essentially stealing her boyfriend...that wasn’t something Kathryn was proud of, no matter how relieved she was that it happened. Kathryn merely nodded to Chakotay. With a quick squeeze to her shoulder, Chakotay spotted Seven and left Kathryn’s side to speak with her. Kathryn watched as Seven and Harry abruptly stopped dancing. Tact, Seven...tact…Kathryn thought as she cringed inwardly.  
Chakotay led Seven away from the dance floor and tugged at his earlobe before he spoke. Kathryn always found that small action a little childlike and completely endearing. Kathryn took a sip of her champagne and made brief eye contact with Seven before the younger woman turned her attention back to Chakotay. They spoke briefly before Kathryn saw Chakotay flash her a lopsided grin over his shoulder. She caught his gaze briefly but not wanting to be seen as if she was starting, Kathryn suddenly became interested in the dancing couples, trying to act as casually as she could, all the while desperately wanting to know the status of Chakotay’s conversation. After working so closely with Chakotay for seven years, Kathryn could feel Chakotay make his way across the room back toward her, as if by instinct. He offered her a small smile, which she return. 

“Is everything okay?” asked Kathryn. 

“Just fine, supringly fine,” said Chakotay. 

“Oh?” 

“She took it well. To use her words, she adapted quickly,” said Chakotay. 

“A little too quickly,” Kathryn wondered, “Maybe I should have Tuvok check in on her.” 

“I think she’ll be alright. Seven knows she has the support of any of the crew. Besides, I think Tom mentioned that if she ever needed an ally, he’d help. He said something about knowing was it was like to be an outsider,” said Chakotay. 

Kathryn nodded, her concern for Seven didn’t dissipate completely but she found that she was pleasantly surprised to find how proud she was for Tom stepping up. He really grew into a supportive leader during their seven year adventure. Kathryn’s heart swelled with affection for her crew. She reached for Chakotay’s hand and gripped it tight. He didn’t ask her if she was alright, he already knew. After seven years working side by side everyday, he understood her. 

“Let’s get out of here,” said Kathryn, “Let the crew enjoy themselves without their captain watching over them.” 

They casually walked to the doors of the ballroom again, this time, as one. Kathryn’s hand gripped tightly in Chakotay’s, united as ever. It made Kathryn feel proud. Proud to have this man beside her. This man who had been an outlaw, labelled as a terrorist, then became the most invaluable member of her crew, her closest friend, and love of her life. She didn’t care that Admiral Paris and a few other members of Starfleet brass spotted her holding hands with her first officer. She didn’t even mind the whispers of the crew, although she felt as if, in past, she would have been bothered. As they walked to the doors, Kathryn paused to speak with Tal Celes and Billy Tefler, who looked in the verge of a nervous collapse. They offered guidance to Billy’s insecurities and praise for Tal’s improvement. 

“If you need anything, just contact us,” said Kathryn, feeling like a parent. 

In a way, she was, she thought to herself. 

“Of course, Captain,” said Tal, a little overly enthusiastically. 

They moved on, this time stopping by Tom and B’Elanna. 

“We’re heading out,” said Kathryn. 

B’Elanna’s eyes flashed as she caught Kathryn and Chakotay holding hands. She looked to Tom, who looked just as surprisingly smug about it. 

“Enjoy your evening,” he said, knowing full well just how enjoyable their evening would be once they left the party. 

“Thanks, Tom,” said Chakotay before, giving B’Elanna a one armed squeeze. 

“I’m planning the real party at the real Sandrine’s. I expect the two of you to be there,” said Tom smiling. 

“Yes, sir,” said Kathryn jokingly. 

“Sir, that has a nice ring to it,” said Tom.

“Don’t let it go to your head,” said Kathryn. 

Tom smiled at them and Kathryn looked back out at the crowd. The Delaney sisters cornered Harry Kim, The Doctor was hovering around Seven now, and a group of engineers were singing an old Academy drinking song rather poorly and loudly. 

“Don’t let them get too rowdy,” said Kathryn in her last attempt for the evening to be Captain Janeway.

“Aw, come on, they’ve earned it,” said Tom. 

“Tom…” warned Kathryn.

“Okay, okay,” said Tom. 

“Don’t worry, Captain, I’ll make sure he’s in line,” said B’Elanna. 

Kathryn slipped her fingers into Chakotay’s hand and with another smile from Tom and B’Elanna, Kathryn and Chakotay sneaked away from the party. They hustled away from the ballroom, hurrying past a group of science crew men huddled by the door. 

“Captain! Commander!” They called in greeting. 

Kathryn smiled and waved but tugged at Chakotay’s hand as she led him out of the ballroom, down the corridor and out onto the Academy grounds. 

“Where are we going?” asked Chakotay. 

“Indiana,” said Kathryn and she marched across the grounds to the nearest transporter station. 

Chakotay followed her wordlessly. He seemed eager to go wherever she led him on the cloudless moon lit night. The cool night air felt good on Kathryn’s skin, it felt fresh and inviting, and an indescribable sense of home. She burst through the doors of the transporter station, ordering the technician to beam them to specific coordinates in Indiana. The technician looked between Kathryn and Chakotay in surprise as he took in the sudden appearance of two of the most currently famous members of Starfleet. 

“Uh, yes ma’am,” said the technician. 

Chakotay grinned at Kathryn, knowing her dislike of being addressed as such but she didn’t care to correct the young crew man, who looked flustered as he input the coordinates. He looked up at them as they stood on the transporter pad. 

“Ready?” he asked, his voice cracking out of nervousness. 

“Energize,” commanded Kathryn. 

The transporter whirled and whisked them away to Indiana. Kathryn and Chakotay materialized in front of a large classic north american farmhouse. 

“Welcome to the Janeway family homestead,” said Kathryn.

The house was dark and the surrounding yard was quiet. Being home now reminded Kathryn of her childhood and she suddenly remembered sprinting out the front door, down the porch steps, and into the yard in the middle of the night, her sister, Phoebe trailing behind. They both wanted to look at the stars, Phoebe for their beauty and Kathryn for the spark of exploration and curiosity they inspired in her. Now, all she wanted to do was drag Chakotay upstairs to her old bedroom. All other sentimentality was pushed aside. She turned to Chakotay, her hands behind her back as she clutched the door knob. 

“Let’s go inside,” said Kathryn grinning at Chakotay. 

“Won’t we disturb your mother?” asked Chakotay as he stepped closer and leaned down to kiss her. 

“She’s still at the party,” said Kathryn, kissing him back, “Won’t...be home for hours.” 

Kathryn suddenly found herself pressed hard against the door. Her hands flew to Chakotay’s chest as he kissed her passionately. 

“Kathryn…” said Chakotay, his voice low. It sent a shiver down her spine. 

“Yes?” she said, gazing at him. 

“Open the door.” 

That was the last thing either one of the them said for quite some time. The next few moments consisted of them stumbling their way through the front door the Janeway farmhouse, all the while trying to maintain the close contact of their lips, hands, and bodies. A quiet giggle escaped Kathryn as Chakotay tripped on the stairs. They hurried up the creaky wooden staircase, Kathryn walking backward, dragging Chakotay up with her. At the threshold of her old bedroom, Chakotay pressed her against the door frame. His body hard against hers, as he tugged at the fabric of her dress, bunching it up her thighs in his impatience. She slipped from his grasp and pulled him by the hand into her room. Chakotay shut the door with his foot as he pulled her close to kiss her again.  
This was heaven, Kathryn thought as they slowly removed each other’s clothing.  
This was what I wanted.  
They tumbled to the bed, hands and lips explored every inch of skin they could reach. Kathryn sighed as her bare breasts met Chakotay’s bare chest. It felt as if everything in her life prepared her for this moment, this feeling of completion, as Chakotay slowly pushed inside her. He groaned and Kathryn tilted her head back in ecstasy. 

“Chakotay!” she gasped. 

“I love you,” he moaned as he moved within her, “I love you. I love you.” 

Kathryn pulled his head to her for a brief yet powerful kiss. 

“God...I love you too,” she said into his mouth as she gasped for breath. 

They came in a tangle of limbs, wrapped in each other’s embrace and soon they lay boneless on the bed where she used to dream of Starfleet life as a teenager. Holding each other close. They cuddled into the bed sheets which Chakotay haphazardly threw over them. He buried his face in her neck and Kathryn sighed as she wrapped her arms more tightly around his back. She looked briefly out the window of her bedroom, where the light of Earth’s moon crept in through the sheer curtains. She fell asleep in the arms of her first officer and best friend. 

Sometime later, as the morning light began to creep in through the window, Kathryn thought she saw the silhouette of her mother peeking through her bedroom door. Kathryn was too happily stated to check to make sure. She felt the most relaxed she had ever felt in the past seven years. Their seven year journey that started with the search for Chakotay and ended with him in her bed back on Earth. Kathryn let her hand lazily stroke Chakotay’s back. His weight, as he lay half on top of her felt too good to move. She turned her head, breathed in the scent of Chakotay’s faint aftershave and let out a great sigh. This was home.


End file.
